12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
