You really coming over, don't trick.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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