I accidentally burped into my bong.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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