my room smells like sperm. sweet.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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