fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
