she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
