Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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