I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Vodka?
Forever.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
