You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
