Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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