A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize