Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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