i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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