I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
