I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
