that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
