I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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