I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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