Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
