Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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