I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
