fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
