Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
