Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
