I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I lost the right to judge tonight
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
