remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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