Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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