nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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