i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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