I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
