you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
