About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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