went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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