All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
