I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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