My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
