I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize