is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Randomize
