if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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