I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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