Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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