its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
