zippers are such a cool invention
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
