Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
