Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize