its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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