Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
