He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
