Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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