we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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