Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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