Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
