I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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