yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
