I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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