I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
