are you still at the devil's house?
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
