He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
They took my balls.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
