It's Friday. Sex?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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