just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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