I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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