and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
