Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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